Funeral Oration for my Grandmother

The passing of my Grandmother, Mary Sue Bennett, on August 21st has been an emotionally difficult time for myself and my family.  Long before she passed, she had told me that I was to preach at her funeral.  Grammie must have seen something in me as a teenager to entrust me with that task.  Of course, at the time, I just told her that I would tell several embarrassing stories about her.  Being a man of my word, about half of those stories were included or referenced in this oration.

Composing her funeral oration was equal parts grieving and smiling.  The sorrow and joy are mingled throughout this work.  I offer it here as a tribute to my Grammie.  May her memory be eternal!

Funeral Oration for Mary Sue Bennett:

Mary Sue Bennett was known to most as Sue, but she was always Grammie to me.  Sometime in my teenage years, Grammie asked me to preach at her funeral.  Asked is probably not a strong enough word.  If you knew my Grammie, her asking had all the authority of a divine command.  And, if for whatever reason, I might balk at one of her requests, she would give a brief encouragement often concluding with “cha cha cha.”  Once “cha cha cha” was uttered, we were committed to whatever plan of action Grammie had in mind.

I, being utterly committed to preaching at her funeral, told her that it would come at the cost of my telling some stories about her.  And being of the same stubborn stock as my grandmother, allow me to share some stories about Grammie.

My earliest notable memory of Grammie was when I spent the night at her house when I was three.  Apparently I felt a little homesick when I woke up.  However, Grammie knew that ice cream for breakfast was the surefire cure for homesickness.  By the time my mom called to see how I was doing, life was great because I had ice cream for breakfast!  I believe that my pleasure was offset by my mother’s displeasure.  I cannot say for certain…  What I do know is that Grammie understood the power of ice cream and shared her love of ice cream with all her grandchildren.

Grammie showed love to all of her grandchildren equally.  Each one of us could tell you about the trips and adventures she took us on.  One of my most memorable trips was our trip to Alaska.  Grammie was driving the motorhome as we were in the Yukon Territory.  Grandad was playing a card game with Thomas and me in the kitchen area of their motorhome.  Then Grammie asked us what a “Can O” was.  All three of us guys were stumped.  The card game came to a stop as we were working through just what that could be and what would Canadian slang be like.  She told us there was a billboard saying that there were “Can O’s” for sale.  We asked her how to spell “Can O” and she said, “C A N O E.”  We started laughing and said, “You mean canoe; the little boat you paddle.”  At that moment, with her mistake known to all, Grammie replied, “Oh hush.”

Now, having been told in no uncertain terms that I would need to preach, I need to talk about Grammie’s faith in the Triune God.  I am faced with a great difficulty in this task.  Because her faith so pervaded her life, I am forced to leave out important things and so do an injustice against my own grandmother. 

After retirement, Grammie and Grandad decided to give away or sell most of their possessions and travel around the country serving others.  While many might have struggled in a similar situation, Grammie was ever ready to give.  She even gave away furniture twice.  Once she gave the kitchen table away and they ate off of a cardboard table.  Several years later, she gave the couch away to a family who did not have a couch.  Grandad retorted, “Well, now we do not have a couch either.”  But, Grammie had the gift of giving and was blessed for it.  Her possessions never possessed her.  It was more than one occasion that I questioned Grammie about giving something.  I do not remember how many times this happened.  I do remember her reply, however, “Well no one else needs to know.  It will be our little secret.”

Now, if you have spent any time with Grammie, you know that her idea of a secret was; only telling on person at a time!  Yet, our family talked freely about our lives with her.  I guess I always knew that everything I told Grammie could be shared with the family, but I never considered her to be a gossip.  She loved every one of us and was just happy to tell us all about the people she loved.  I remember meeting people who knew me very well simply because they were friends of Grammie.  She always wanted to know about our lives because she cared about our lives.

Somewhere below family and yet still linked to her love of God was Grammie’s love of singing.  While she would sing around the house, she loved to sing at Church.  Now Grammie always liked to have herself put together.  Her basic approach was “brush your hair and put on some lipstick.”  Yet, when Grammie sang in church she carried herself with all the professional seriousness of an opera singer performing with a philharmonic.  Because Church was a special place that she treated seriously.  Church is where we went to worship the Uncreated Creator, Jesus Christ.

As Grammie aged, her faith never waned.  She has read through the Bible every year for much of my life.  Her favorite book was the prophet Isaiah.  In the rather long book of Isaiah, she found beautiful promises that shaped the way she viewed the world and understood all that happened in life.  Her favorite passage was Isaiah 40:28–31. 

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Then shortly after this passage, and connected to it in her mind was Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Grammie was formed by these verses in so many ways that I cannot recount them all.  The God she worshipped and trusted was the God who created all that exists out of nothing.  It is this God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Grammie, who does not grow weary or lack understanding.  Indeed, we cannot fathom his knowledge or His power.  Yet this God is not far removed, but He helps those who hope in Him.

The metaphor of soaring on wings like eagles became a guiding metaphor for Grammie.  Grammie loved eagles.  She had dozens of figurines and pictures of eagles.  But Grammie did not love eagles simply because they were eagles.  For her, eagles are a symbol of the promises of God that He is with her in her weakness and that He will lift her up, as He has done.  Grammie put the eagles anywhere she could; from gravestones, to a scholarship fund, to her own house.  Whenever possible she would also write Isaiah 40:31 as a reference or as a full quotation.

Grammie was uncompromising.  Whether it was her standard of what constituted clean, or her faith, or her morals.  Grammie practiced her faith.  Her faith was a lived faith and a clearly defined faith.  This was especially evident in moments of disagreement.  Grammie did not bend what she believed to get along with others.  And, at the same time, she continued to love and care for those with whom she disagreed.  This was yet another of the ways she lived out her hope in the living God.

Even after Grammie’s stroke, her faith was not shaken.  She continued reading through the Bible every day.  She regularly went to Church on Sunday.  She did this even though she could not hear much of what was said because she disliked wearing her hearing aids.  In many ways, her stroke took away much of her personality.  Yet her faith remained as did her love of ice cream.

Grammie is now free to, once again, sing the praises of her savior Jesus Christ who lives and reigns with the eternal Father and the life giving Holy Spirit.  She has moved from our company to the companies of angels and the faithful of the ages past. She has joined them in enjoying the uncreated light, the very glory of God; and worshipping the only God with them forever.  She also joined her beloved husband Bill, or Grandad as I knew him.  Together they await the resurrection of their bodies and the final judgement, whereupon they will be like the angels in that they will not marry or be given in marriage, but their love for each other remains.  This is just as the Apostle Paul said, “now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”  These three things: faith, hope, and love, the things that made Grammie who she was and is yet remain with her for eternity.

There are some stories which Grammie strictly forbade me to tell at her funeral.  I cannot tell you about the time that the gray water backed up into the motorhome bathtub and got the clean laundry extra dirty.  And the word which Grammie said when she found that mess.  I cannot tell you about the time she misspoke while ordering and received hot water and freshly brewed decaf instead of hot freshly brewed decaf and a glass of water.  There are many, many other stories which time does not permit me to share.  The importance of these stories is found in the fact that Grammie lived her life with her family.  We have our Grammie stories because she was present with us sharing in our lives and loving us as much as she was able.  We remember these stories because we loved her in return.